Introduction

        I can think of no better way to introduce all that I have learned and loved about this course but to share in paragraph form, words I wrote as a stream of consciousness poem during the beginning week of this course.  Words written with my heart aflame after reading chapter three titled “Let There Be Likeness,” from Let There Be Art. (Kang, p. 41-51). My edited words . . . 

        “Terry, I’ve got you, you are my beloved. I formed you in the womb and have called you by name. I greatly delight in you. I see your joy, your hurt, and your weariness at times, the tears that so easily and often well up in your eyes. I love when in your weariness, you look for and find the thresholds and pathways that lead to the light off my cracked open door. Left open for you to come in and be loved. I love when you lift up your head and eyes and gaze at the late-night sky to ponder the mystery of the moon, planets, and the mystery of my universe full of stars - millions above you and you think of and dwell on me. I see you Terry, made in my likeness. I see you get up at times very early in the morning; I see your longing heart, your deep sighs, your cry to me, your quiet thoughts, your many questions, and the wonder of your imagination. I see you and I hear you Terry and - I’ve got you! I will never grow tired of you or abandon you. My arms are extended wide open with glee when you run to me for dear life. I see you when you find that quiet and seemingly hidden pathway leading to the threshold of my waiting presence and step into the light of my goodness. I am waiting for you,
and I’ve Got you Terry.  

        It is so good and assuring for me to know that in my formation and  development as a spiritual director, God is saying to me, “I’ve got you Terry.”

 

Review - Dialogue Forms, Contemplative Practices, and SD Sessions

Approach and Style

        As I reviewed my dialogue forms, contemplative practices, and spiritual direction sessions over the last 8 weeks, I would say I noticed this about my approach and style that I bring to this ministry. My approach and style is to offer a safe and confidential place to bring one’s sacred story for reflection in light of God’s love and care. My style is to listen attentively and to nurture an ongoing relationship with God cultivating an inner transformational and more faith filled life joining with another in awareness of God’s loving presence. 

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Techniques – Insights – Practices

        Reading the dialogue chapters by Susan Phillips in Candlelight has been a delight and insightful. I loved the chapters with her and John (Phillips, chapters 9, 18, and 24) especially. Her delight in the practice of SD and her sacred giftedness in asking question alongside John’s engaged responses/awareness were bursting with the grace, mercy, goodness, light, and love, that manifests trinitarian presence – what insightful practice of the life-giving growth of spiritual direction. I remember thinking, now who is the spiritual director in this exchange of awakened/aware hearts and soul-nourishing listening. A feeling I always come away within  reading Phillips is the Holy Three of course– this is  companionship, a mutual friendship turned on by both listening for the holy whisper of the Trinity. 

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Relationship and Attunement with Directed and with God

        I was challenged during a specific exchange during a session with my directee Anna. She began a session opening up by asking if I would mind her sharing something that might be too personal, something about her relationship with my daughter who she had a falling out with over a matter. This kind of stopped me in my tracks for a moment, however, as I stayed attuned to God with us and as I listened for the Holy’s whisper to me, I felt prompted to invite Anna to a few moments of silence together listening for discernment with me. As, we ended our time of silence, I let her know that she could say whatever she felt led to share and that we would listen together for Spirit’s whisper of response and direction to us both (Spirit being her term for naming God without trigger). This session ended up being a very dynamic session together as my daughter and Anna’s concern for her staying in the background as our focus of the session remained on Anna’s attunement and relationship with God as we together took her situation/anxiety to Spirit for direction. 

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Consolations and Desolations Experienced Offering Direction

        One of the beautiful consolations I experienced offering direction occurred during a session with Julian (Self Supervision Form #1). I felt such a goodness in felt presence of “God with us,” and an intense gratitude grew in my heart. I also noticed a real comfort of rarely speaking during this session as I am learning the ability and goodness of waiting to respond as I listen for the Holy Spirit’s whisper to me (an advent gift to me perhaps – I smile). I truly felt that the Three-in-One were in the room together with us and noticed an affirming felt comfort. This sense of the goodness of holy presence seems to be growing stronger with each and every session I walk into.

     As for a desolation, I would have to say that in my first session with Matthew, a retired CEO, competent/confident Enneagram Three - Achiever (self-professed), and millionaire, I felt a little less smart than he and caught myself talking to much trying to impress. Throughout the session, I noticed myself disintegrating in being a listening presence and repeating to myself in my head, “Why are you talking Terry – don’t.”  I was discouraged about the session and felt like I failed. In my session with Matthew however, after a conversation with God on a morning walk, I heard God tell me – “I’ve got him Terry, just get quiet and listen for me.” The second session was much different as I kept my mouth shut and my ears to my heart open. It was a very good session together. At the end of our time, Matthew said to me, “I want to make sure we see each other again before Christmas, are you available?” I just smiled, chuckled with God, and said, yes. And to God said thank you, thank you, thank you - you have definitely got him and me.  

 

Reflection 

Role and Relationship with God

        My heart resonated with two phrases in Pavey’s Essay in Onening (Reading Discussion, week #3),  regarding the crucial work my role and relationship with God plays in Spiritual Direction. He writes, “The deepest level of communication, is not communication, but communion – it is wordless, it is beyond words, beyond speech, and beyond concept” A huge ponder for spiritual direction.  Secondly, he wrote “Grand Canyons - the sum of us, cracked and carrying the brushstrokes of God. Each a natural wonder.” My prayer is that God will increase in me the embodied wisdom to have the eyes and ears toward the precious image bearers I see as “Grand Canyons of mystery and wonder.”  I will be as effective in my time with them as my daily moment to moment communion with God – centered in his presence. 

 

Continued  Development

        I like to look at being a spiritual director as a  lot like being a travel companion – being someone who walks alongside another rather than leading by talking too much. I strive in my development to be one that does not dictate the path of prescribed experiences, but instead deeply listens and pays attention to help a companion notice the signs of God’s presence (thinking about my introduction paragraph here) – a continuous growing  awareness that God has me, God has another.  Development in assisting another in reading the map of story, discerning directions, and making plenty of space for what is unfolding. Growth in learning to bear witness to another’s unique journey. Listening deeply and reflecting with another image bearer response together to the Spirit’s invitations in their life. 

 

Things Learned About Self

          That I am loved so very deeply by God and I am absolutely enough in this calling. That waiting on God and listening for his voice is thrilling to my soul. I also am learning how much I love creating through the contemplative practice of weekly streams of consciousness turning into poetry. “Wow Wee” is all I have to say.

 

Things Learned About God

        How personal he is in my life, that he is my closest friend and companion. That this intimate companionship fosters awareness of God’s steady movement in my life, encouraging deeper trust in His leading rather than reliance on another’s experience – that he sees me as uniquely me and cheers for me. I have felt this sense of fore-ness and cheering from my cohorts as well. God is so good to give us likeminded companions on the journey and finds joy in Christocentric relating.  

 

Interaction with My Peers (cohort members) & Spiritual Direction Sessions 

        I have felt this sense of force and cheering mentioned from my cohorts as well. God is so good to give us likeminded companions on the journey as peers. The spiritual direction intensives have been a breeding ground of goodness in this regard.   As well, the enjoyment and connection through reading discussion. I was given a great gift, being listened to well by Lisa in our most recent intensive. As well given words of blessing and gentle challenge in feedback by other cohort members.

 

Ways Creativity has Shaped Me as a Person/Spiritual Director

         A verse that comes to mind that is deeply planted in my heart is 1 Corinthians 2:9, which states "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived - the things God has prepared for those who love him." There is a grand canyon of mystery and wonder in this verse, and I use it to ask God to give me the kind of heart that is formed by creativity and art, as I sit with people and listen to them. I feel as if they are coming with a great depth of mystery and love for God that I can almost taste, see in colors, and sing out with praise.

 

Refining the Call

        The last three-year journey of getting quiet and seeking spiritual renewal has birthed in me a deep desire to accompany others in spiritual renewal and direction, helping others to navigate the tension of living both the beauty and brokenness of their embodied souls. I long to create space for others to experience the blessedness of Christ – one where intellect (head), emotions (heart), and faith (trust in the incomprehensible Holy Trinity) are not at odds, but working together in harmony through God’s transforming love and truth. And I desire to become more human and more like Jesus. I have recently been confirmed in the Anglican Church of North America (ACNA) in the diocese of Churches for the Sake of Others (C4SO) and with great joy/gratitude been blessed by my priest/diocese in my journey of spiritual direction training. My artist statement is simply this – “Spiritual direction is a safe and confidential place to bring one’s sacred story under the light of God’s love and tender care. It nurtures an ongoing relationship with God and cultivates inner transformation and a more faith-filled life, becoming aware of God’s loving presence. 

 

Conclusion

        I conclude this reflection paper in a like manner that I introduced it. I completed the course by finalizing my inspirational board focused on patterns and people—a creative practice that is both fulfilling and beneficial, much like my experience with writing poetry.  It is will remind and inspire me to take time to gaze on the Kingdom of God’s light and love coming into me, seeping more deeply into me and my family life.  When I entered my spiritual formation journey, I hoped it would lead to a spiritual direction calling. I prayed that my transformation in becoming more  like Jesus, would first be noticed first and foremost by my beloved wife and my family.  The understanding of my view of God and how deeply I am by God is everything to me. To look and reflect on my inspirational board is becoming a treasured Visio Divina practice. The photos chosen and carefully placed reveal a variety of trees transformed by sunlight, saturating them with such calming colors – shades of greens, blues, browns, oranges, and yellows. Photos taken during an activity that brings me nearer to the holy - walking in quiet contemplative prayer while observing patterns (themes) igniting within Kingdom of God life - light, thresholds, pathways, and flourishing. I have been using it as a growth mindset board – visualizing, tasting, touching, and seeing “God with Us,” in my family life and reminding me, that indeed “God has me, God has my family,” and “God has me” in this invigorating calling of spiritual direction. I placed on my inspiration board these words from a verse I feel God spoke personally to me during this course – “In waiting and by calm you shall be saved, in quiet and trust your strength lies.”  Isaiah 30:15